Many days I think that I am crazy. Yes, crazy! It is raining today, cold, dark, and gloomy. And just like that, my mood has changed from relatively happy to slightly depressed. I’m starting to hate living in Washington again. Okay, I should not use such a loaded word like “hate” but let’s say that I am not very fond of being in Washington state at the moment. I’m asking myself the same question, “Why are you even living here when you DESPISE the weather?” The rest of the country is experiencing a heat wave and here in Seattle it feels like a tundra. I seriously need to break out into song and sing Frozen’s “Do you want to Build a Snowman” because it might as well be snowing here as far as I am concerned.
Since I was feeling very melancholy I found myself at 24 Hour Fitness. It was 8:30pm on a Friday night and I am on the elliptical doing the cross country work out watching House Hunters International, which is absolutely not making me feel better. I am practically on the verge of tears watching House Hunters. I watched two episodes, one couple was buying a vacation house in Aruba and another was looking for an apartment in Florence, Italy, while I was in Bellevue, WA trying to weather the rain storm in the middle of June on an elliptical. My husband is working tonight and I am thinking about how I deserve the right to wear tank tops, sun dresses, and shorts in June. It’s my right! Besides, I think I look way cuter in summer clothing. Now, I’m forced to wear long sleeves, sweaters, and my purple Columbia rain jacket. All these clothes I thought were retired until at least August. I should have known better because my good friend, Leslie, has always told me that summer in Seattle starts the day after the 4th of the July.
Now, I find myself at the gym feeling sorry for myself because it seems like all my California people on Facebook are sitting in outdoor patios having happy hour drinks after work, while I am stuck on a bus in downtown Seattle that is not moving because the Mariners are playing the Rangers tonight. I have all the time in the world to daydream about being in the bay area some where in Oakland, thinking about the beaches in Brazil and the World Cup, while I sit on the D Line trying not to smell the nasty stench of rainy homeless person on the bus.
After my workout I went to Whole Foods and spent 11 dollars on sushi because I was still in a mood. I must have really been in my feelings because I would have never pay that much for grocery store sushi. I came home and had a few glasses of cheap sangria that I bought from Safeway the night before. I started listening to Lady Gaga’s “Do What U Want” on repeat while writing this blog post because it reminded me of my favorite spin class – Tuesday nights with Caroline at 24 Hour Fitness – Kirkland Totem Lake. This is where I get my mental therapy each week and leave all my stress at the spin bike. I’m starting to feel better since writing this blog post and am so glad it is Friday even if it is Friday the 13th and a full moon. I’m thinking I’m not a crazy person after all. I’m just a person seriously suffering from a lack of Vitamin D and the opportunity to wear tank tops and sundresses in the middle of June. I can’t wait for July 5th for summer to start in Seattle.
The Seahawks won the Super Bowl and are the champions! I am so excited for the City of Seattle and proudly wear my Seahawks tee shirt, but…
But, I feel a little conflicted about the City of Seattle. While I live here in WA, I still have my heart in the Bay Area or somewhere in CA where the sun is shining and people are wearing tank tops and flip flops. It is a battle that I fight everyday living in the Pacific Northwest. I am not fan of the weather. In fact, I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. January – March are the hardest months for me. I dream about summer and being able to wear shorts and sundresses.
Ok, back to the Seahawks! The Seahawks was a way to cope with my SAD and the way to connect to Seattle. This is a city at many times I loathe, but for reasons out my control is where I live. The Seahawks and the Spirit of 12th man were a way for me to be excited to be here in Seattle!
So, I would like to thank the Seahawks for being the champions and bringing me one baby step closer to feeling like Washington can be my home.
I did not realize that Kanye West sampled Daft Punk’s “Harder Better Faster” song on his song “Stronger” on his album “Graduation” I always loved this song! I was listening to Pandora station at work and the Daft Punk song came on and I was like “wow”; this is a Daft Punk song! I was going through my million pieces of work email, and literally had a second wind! I mean, this song is way way way better than Kanye’s version! Side note, this is also an amazing song to run to! On my last long run, this song came on and I felt so motivated. I mean, how could one not feel motivated listening to “Harder Better Faster”! I am quite out of shape and I plan on getting it back together and I am definitely having this song on my playlist. I am finished with my two cents on a Friday night!
I’ve found the Jamiroquai station on Pandora and am totally rocking out to Stardust, Daft Punk, Modjo, and of course Jamiroquai. I forgot how much I love funk, disco, and dance music. My future sister-in-law made a Facebook post referencing Jamiroquai’s Cosmic Girl and it got me reminiscing about my undergraduate years and how much I was obsessed with Jamiroquai. This is the artist that wrote ‘Virtual Insanity”. It was July 4, 1999 and I had just graduated high school and getting ready to start college. I was filled with hope and the future seemed like there was endless possibilities. I was 17 years old and out with my best friend in high school, Nicole, way past my curfew at the free Jamiroquai concert in Union Square. We danced all night at the concert and somehow got stranded in San Francisco because the BART stopped running. Her Mom had to drive all the way to San Francisco from Rodeo and picked us up at Fisherman’s Wharf. We were sitting at the curb near Pier 39 and it was past midnight. I think she got in trouble but it was the best night ever! I became a hopely addict to Jamiroquai’s music. It’s crazy how a Facebook post can take you back 10 years. I love Pandora! I can go back to that moment in 1999 anytime I want!
I think I spoke to soon about feeling acclimated to the Pacific Northwest. Well, I feel acclimated but am feeling homesick! I do not want to move back to the bay, but I am feeling far from home! I guess, I can attribute it to the fabulous weekend I had with a girlfriend who came to visit this weekend. She celebrated her birthday with me and my boyfriend in Seattle! It was so much fun! I felt like I was a tourist on vacation! She brought a little bit of the bay area to mask the overcast, rainy Washington weather. I took her all over Seattle, and we had tons of funs like how we did in Oakland!
Now, the fabulous weekend is over!
I just dropped her off at Sea-Tac airport, and I am feeling a little unsettled. I subconsciously wanted to get on the plane with her and back to the bay area! I feel like a child who just realized they were dropped off at daycare. You know, the child who is frantically looking for their mommy and daddy, and starting to panic and cry because they were left behind in the play area with some unfamiliar faces.
Like that child, I am starting to feel a little upset about my friend leaving me! While I am rational, logical person, there is a part of me that is starting to having doubts – only moderate doubts! I am feeling less confident and more doubtful! My mind starts to race with a million thoughts like “Will I find a job here?, ” Will a masters degree be enough to make up for the lack of sensational job experience?”, and “Will I meet new people here like my close friends from back home?”
I guess, the Mary Tyler Moore moment from last weekend is gone! I had no choice but to take a “big girl” pill. I actually took two dosages! Last week, I embraced the new physical changes in my life! Now, it is time to embrace the emotional changes! The emotional changes that deal with the feelings associated with a huge change in lifestyle. I am no longer a graduate student, and will probably be soon joining the working world – no longer being unemployed!
My “big girl pill” is making me feel less self-loathing and more hopeful! I will focus my thoughts on positive affirmations! I am happy here! I will find a job soon! I will meet new people! Yes, I am feeling a lot better now!
I am starting to become acclimated to living in Washington. I have been living here full-time now for 2 days and am starting to think I will be okay!
I decided to take “take the bull by the horns” and get proactive about getting adjusted to be nearly 1,000 miles away from home. This is a big deal for me because I have never lived more than 30 miles away from the comforts of the bay area. I sold my car, shipped my books to Washington, and took a one-way airplane ride to Seattle’s Sea-Tac airport. Why? I asked myself this question several times over as I packed all my clothes into two suit cases and while handing over my car keys to its new owner!
Love! I know that sounds terrible! But, I have a rational reason too! Personal growth! I am getting a fresh start over with life in a new city. Yes, I am having a Mary Tyler Moore moment! I am throwing up my knit hat up to new experiences in life.
This bring me to today, or actually yesterday! I finally submitted and went to the apple store with my boyfriend to get an iphone. I did not get a smart phone be cool and trendy, but out of pure necessity! Since I am going to be more environmentally friendly (sans a car), I desperately need the “One Bus Away” application to figure out King County bus schedules. Now, I do not have to wait for long periods for a bus. Through the magic of Steve Jobs, I can wait in any store or a Starbucks, looking at my application to see when the bus will come! Yes, I absolutely love my iphone!
So, here I am with an iphone in hand or actually in my purse! I am ready to start my new adventure as a Pacific Northwestern! I have committed myself to learning how to cook yummy healthly food; learning how to read and write spanish; and finding employment. I am going back to Weight Watchers and getting healthy and actually run that half marathon I have been talking about these last few years. A MPA in hand and a bus pass in tow, I am ready for anything that life will throw at me, even if it is 29 degree weather!